Talks like these between partners, friends or lovers are personal, intimate exchanges, not professional speeches we’re giving to thousands of people who paid $500 a plate to hear us talk, after all.Ideally, talks about sex and boundaries like this tend to go best when we have them outside an immediate sexual context. In other words, at times and places when you’re not being physical, when no one is half dressed or there’s any expectation of physicality. We can tend to feel pretty vulnerable at those times, so can easily feel overexposed, and we’re also often more than a little distracted in those settings by strong sexual feelings, so it can be harder to pay complete attention, listen as well as we should or grok nuances and subtleties well.While these kinds of talks could be had online or on the phone, I think it’s best to have them face to face.

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